tlhIngan maH!

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Watching your kids learn how to speak is always interesting, but rarely in ways you’d expect. Oh, sure–every parent beams with pride the first time the baby says “Mama” or “Dada,” and not long after that pretty much everything comes out sounding like the cutest thing you’ve ever heard. Take my son Christian, for instance. Like his sister, he’s got a mind like a steel trap–which means he’ll pretty much repeat everything you say in front of him.

The funny part is that it comes out sounding like Klingon.

To be sure, I checked the Klingon Language Institute just to verify that I wasn’t going crazy. Turns out my observation wasn’t far off the mark. “Baby boy” sounds disturbingly like be’joy’ (ritualized torture by women), while “Play Doh” could be a dead ringer for plaQta’–which I understand to be a rather potent epithet.

How precisely Christian learned to swear in Klingon I’m not certain, but one of these days I’ll have to get to the bottom of it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to drown my sorrows in some Romulan Ale. Or was it Saurian Brandy? I always get the two mixed up.

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