While on vacation in Colorado last week, I picked up a buddy’s copy of ‘Salem’s Lot and started perusing my favorite passages. I’ve loved that book since I read it as a teen, and it is, in fact, one of the few novels I’ve read multiple times. The original vampire classic, Dracula is another. I even took a crack at writing my own tale of the Undead some years ago (though the results were a bit half-baked, to put it mildly)–so one could say that I’m quite the avid student of the bloodsucker genre.

So why am I beginning to hate vampires?

Maybe it’s the overkill, if you’ll pardon the expression. Back when it was just Buffy and Angel, there was still a lot to groove on, especially when you added Joss Whedon’s stellar idea machine to the mix; and even today, shows like Supernatural have managed to put their own cool twist on the concept. But now we also have Twilight piled on top of the likes of True Blood, along with some teenage vampire drama in the works over at the CW. How much of this will we have to endure before the network suits and studio heads wring the last drop of blood from these poor creatures of the night?

Or maybe it’s because vampires have become boring. Anne Rice did the brooding, troubled vampire to spectacular effect–but the idea was new and fresh with her, and she had the talent to pull it off (not to mention the deliciously nasty Lestat to liven things up). Nowadays, we get these self-pitying, manic depressive types filled with angst over their immortality and bloodlust, who pine away for mortal hotties while they’re not feeling guilty over wanting to give ‘em a good old-fashioned fang job. Things have fallen off quite a bit since Drac did the nasty with Lucy Westenra, and not for the better.

What about the grand concepts of good and evil? What about the epic battle between the darkness and the light? The best vampire fiction captured these concepts and rendered them into chilling fun, the kind of stuff that gave me nightmares as a kid–and I mean that in the best possible way. Watching Anna Paquin and her chisled bloodsucker beau on HBO the other night only elicited a yawn. Somehow, the culture has turned Nosferatu into a chick flick, and I don’t like it.

Surely someone, somewhere, knows a vampire who isn’t ashamed of what he does? Perhaps we should start a support group for them–a vampire pride sort of thing. All we need is a slogan to put on a t-shirt. Any suggestions?

They may never win the Nobel Prize for Literature, but apparently my books have inspired a song.

I have to say, I’m truly flattered–and utterly surprised! It’s got a cool techno-industrial feel to it, a really evocative sound. I might have to listen to that one some more while I’m writing..

You just can’t let something like this pass by without calling attention to it. Don’t spew me, bro!

By now, I’ve grown accustomed to Hollywood pillaging my teenage memories and recycling them into hip, modern entertainment. Truth be told, I even get a sly kick thinking about the young ones grooving to the greatest hits of my post Square Pegs years. I mean, if they can make Battlestar Galactica cool and edgy for the 21st Century, who’s to say there’s anything that can’t be updated?

Nowadays, though, the slate is starting to look like a back issue of TV Guide. We’ve already got a remake of the miniseries V lined up for the fall (and the preview actually makes it look pretty decent), plus remakes in the works of everything from Red Dawn to The Karate Kid (insert wax on/wax off joke here). All of which makes me wonder: is Hollywood going through a serious case of nostalgia, or is it just too damn afraid to make an original movie anymore?

I can see the nuts and bolts logic of it. One only need look at the box office for the aforementioned Star Trek ($170 million in two weeks and counting) to realize that studio execs are following the money–and right now, that money seems to be in reboots and retreads. But come on! Do we really need to revisit Weird Science? Or Short Circuit? Or, God help us, Masters of the Universe? I still haven’t recovered from the Dolph Lundgren take on that franchise.

Which leads us to one of my favorite pieces of 80’s cheese: Fright Night. I’m almost afraid to see who might be in it. Zac Efron as Charlie. One of the Jonas Brothers as Evil Ed. Maybe Chris Sarandon is old enough to come back as Peter Vincent, just to keep it real. And you know they’ll want to cast Megan Fox as Amy–it’s inevitable.

The question is how long it’ll be until they go after Buckaroo Banzai.

Well, I went to see the new Star Trek last night–and judging from the filled-to-the-gills IMAX theater I went to, not to mention the projected $75 million take for the weekend, I wasn’t the only one. Distilling my thoughts to a simple phrase, all I can say is that the movie rocked. From start to finish, it moved along at a pace that makes one of my books look like Pride and Prejudice. That’s saying a lot.

Of course, the new Trek has its flaws, but they amount to little more than quibbles. Anyone familiar with the JJ Abrams ouvre will recognize the occasional reliance on happenstance and coincidence that end up being a little too integral to the story. Plus there’s a slightly clunky chunk of exposition right in the middle of the movie that could have been handled with a bit more aplomb (I think Mel Brooks did it best in Spaceballs, when Dark Helmet turned to the audience after a long-winded explanation of the plot and said, “Everybody got that?”)–but as I said, these are minor complaints when compared to the thrill ride that the rest of the movie provides.

And there are high points galore. The special effects are nothing short of spectacular, with combat sequences like we’ve never seen (and always wished for) in a Star Trek feature. But even better than that, we get a fresh look at characters we’ve come to know as old friends over the years, and what we see makes them even more interesting. Gone is the stilted Treknobabble that plagued earlier films, replaced with very human dialogue and interactions. It’s no wonder that new audiences are responding so well to these iconic characters, even if they’ve never had the pleasure of their company before: Abrams and his writers have managed to make them real and vital, and for me that’s better than a weekend on Wrigley’s.

I can’t remember the last time I went to a movie when everyone applauded at the end, but that’s what happened when the credits rolled on Star Trek. That more than anything makes me believe that we have witnessed the birth–and rebirth–of a cultural phenomenon. Don’t be surprised if you see kids playing Kirk and Spock on a playground near you, just like back in the good old days. Star Trek is, quite simply that good. Magic, even. It’s like falling in love all over again, with the person you’ve known forever.

Thanks for giving us that, JJ! So when’s the next one?

As the cemeteries are filled with indispensible men, the world has seen “revolutionary” inventions come and go–just ask the guys who came up with the smokeless cigarette or Microsoft Bob. Every now and then, however, you see something that could really be a game-changer, something that kicks the door wide open and screams, “Welcome to the Future!”

Well, I’ve seen that future–and its name is Espresso.

Imagine a machine that prints out any book you want and hands it to you, hot off the press, in five minutes flat. Doesn’t matter if it’s the latest Dean Koontz thrillerfest or some Penny Dreadful out of print for the last 50 years–it’s all available to you in a handsome, fully bound trade paperback, ready for a place of honor on your bookshelf. I think it’s absolutely brilliant.

Of course, you can still download thousands of titles to your Kindle right now–but for those who enjoy the feel of an actual book in our hands (and if the sales of eBooks are any indicator, that’s most of us), the Espresso is a bridge between the old and the new. You get all the convenience of an on-demand service, but walk away with the satisfaction that comes from buying a physical product. And from a publisher’s point of view, this machine must be like the Holy Freeking Grail. No more print runs, no more shipping, no more remainders–just put an Espresso in every retail outlet and print what you need, when you need it. The cost savings could be staggering.

I also think this bodes extremely well for new writers trying to break into the business. By reducing the expense of launching a new author, publishers will have more incentive to take a chance on fresh voices. We’ll see what happens with this bad boy, but I’m telling ya right now–we could be seeing a real paradigm shift here. Things are about to get interesting.